No Goal. And That’s Ok.

As the universe would have it, I’m not destined to be a crossfitter.

Judy and I (and Dawn, if we can convince her. You reading this, Dawn? Haha!) are setting out on our own. There’s a story there. Now’s not the time to tell it. There may be a few hard feelings, but tiny ones. It’s more a matter of fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, etc. All that to say we’re going the functional fitness DIY route. We’ve been around long enough to figure it out, and we do have guidance from Brannon and Jamie.

We also don’t have a particular goal in mind. And that’s completely liberating.

Before writing this I googled “Working out without a goal” and was bombarded by hateful drivel about how not having an actual goal made you weak, or unlikely to commit and continue what you’re doing, or just plain lazy (note: Long live the Oxford comma). Looking at me, you’d automatically assume my goal is to lose weight by any means necessary. And from the time I was 11 or so until now, it was. That turned out really well, didn’t it?

Nowadays, I’ve come to terms with factors that are beyond my control. The two biggest things that keep me from losing the massive amounts of weight everyone expects from doing crossfit style stuff are the fact that I’m inching up on 40 (I’m 35 right now), and the fact that I take anti anxiety medication. While it warrants another post in itself, I’ll tell you that yes, the combo I’m on does cause weight gain, and yes, I’ve tried to stop taking it. No, I won’t stop taking it because I’d probably strangle you if you pissed me off if I didn’t take it.

So why do it if I have no goal? Why do you eat chocolate? Why do you take beach vacations? Because you like them. They make you happy. Picking up heavy stuff, rowing, being able to move furniture by myself (most recently my kid’s 80 lb solid wood kitchen upstairs when Sean wasn’t home), carrying all the groceries in at once; that stuff makes me happy. Spending time with my girls at the gym makes me happy. An hour with myself, my earbuds and a barbell makes me happy.

After reading what I just wrote, I think I lied to you. It looks like I do have a goal. To be happy. And maybe to pick up a couch. And pull a truck in neutral.

Be happy.


Of Lions, Lambs, and Slugs

“Don’t get discouraged. Some days you’re the lion, some days you’re the lamb,” Logan said after this morning’s workout.

“Unless you’re the slug,” I replied.

Our classes are usually about an hour long and structured into about 65% lifting and 35% metcon; I don’t think I’ve done a metcon longer than 12 minutes during the Tuesday/Thursday class. So most of the time I kill the first half. Some days I kill it deader than others, but the majority of the time I’m please with what happens during lift. Most days metcon makes me want to quit. Today was pretty close.

I know everyone hates burpees, but y’all, when you’re a BG lifter, burpees are hell (sorry Mom). There are major physics involved with getting a body this size down to the floor and then back up. It’s a frustrating battle than someone who has never been this overweight can’t comprehend. I’d like to add a weight vest to folks so they can feel exactly what it’s like, and even then it wouldn’t be the same, because my legs weigh more than most women by themselves. Bottom line, most people couldn’t do it. I should feel sort of proud about that fact, I guess. Burpees are still mortifying when you have to use your knees to get up…and sometimes to get down.

So today’s metcon: 8 minute cap
30 thrusters @65 lbs
EMOM 5 burpees

It started out promising. In the first minute I knocked out my burpees and did 10 thrusters, no sweat. I thought, if I keep this up I’ll be done in 3 minutes! As it turns out, pacing yourself is probably a great idea in situations like this. It took me the entire second minute to do 5 burpees. On the third minute I got maybe one thruster in. All in all, I only managed 15 thrusters and had to do burpees every single minute. Slow. Like a slug.

That’s pretty much the regular for me. I’ve actually been back at the functional fitness thing (find us on Instagram: functionallyformedfitness) since mid-March, and to be perfectly honest, it’s going a lot slower than last time. Part of that is because I had (very very very very very slightly) less distance to cover than last time. I mean, even after 8 or 9 months of doing a whole lot of nothing I can still deadlift 235 for reps. And I did turn 35 in that time, so yay, old age. The biggest piece, though, is that I’m doing it right this time. No two a days (you hear that, Judy and Dawn? No more two classes in a day! Haha!), eating well from the beginning, getting enough sleep, and doing things besides Crossfit functional fitness, like swimming as soon as the pool is open. The road is longer, but the consistency will be better. At least I hope it will.

On a related but totally different note, yes, I’m one of those people that Instas my food. You know why? So I can remember stuff I’ve made that I like! I’ve actually developed enough satisfactory culinary skills that I rarely need recipes anymore. It also helps that I don’t bake a lot, which is far more science than cooking. As such, you’ll probably see a lot of What’s On My Plate posts. Irritating though they may be, they’re for my benefit. Actually, this whole blog is for my benefit. What are you doing here? Hah, I kid, I kid.

So what’s on my plate? This is lunch and dinner from yesterday, plus breakfast from today:


Chicken Thigh stir fry with snap peas, onions, zucchini and cashews


Salmon with spinach and feta (omega-3s!) and a mix of red/regular quinoa


Yes, leftover salad for breakfast, scrambled eggs with thyme, a spinach/strawberry kefir smoothie and some bone broth

That quinoa was the best I’ve ever had. Turns out, you should rinse it before you cook it, like all the websites say. Listen to them.

And now, for fun, I leave you with a picture of the first time Judy and I went to yoga:


Remember me? I used to work here.

It’s been almost a full year since I blogged anything. Predictably, a lot happened in that rotation around the sun. We almost lost my dad. I spent 6 weeks in North Carolina helping my parents out and gained 20 lbs. Lost all interest in working out. Had surgery in January that should have been routine. Got a nasty infection and a 2 week recovery turned into 2 months. Gained 20 more lbs…

Yep, I’ve gain 40 lbs since last May, make me 20 lbs heavier than when I started Crossfit.

So, because of that, I deleted all the old content. Why? Because it was irrelevant. That wasn’t just a different part of the journey, it was a totally different trip. I’m in a much different place now, and strangely enough, it’s a much better place. I love my gym (which is same one I started at last year when what I now lovingly refer to as Crossfit Hades closed), and have realized what a horrendously toxic place the old one was. Good riddance to that. I also don’t Crossfit anymore. That’s actually a lie. I do. All the time. But I do functional fitness classes, not Crossfit. My gym, TexFit, isn’t an affiliate, and to stay out of trouble with the WOD police, we don’t call it Crossfit. I repeat- WE DO NOT DO CROSSFIT. So if anybody decides to try and be a tattler and get Brannon and Jamie in trouble, you’ll have to go through me, because I love them dearly. I truly do- I’ve never met people that genuinely care about their clientele like these two. So don’t mess with them. A lot of things have changed, but I can still deadlift you with ease.

Soon I’ll tell y’all about Logan, my coach. I hate him for about 4 hours each week. Other than that he’s the best.

You’ll be pleased to know that Judy is still whipping my tail in every workout. I also have a new bff, Dawn, aka California Barbie. I absolutely love her. She laughs at my jokes and doesn’t put up with my nonsense. Without these two ladies I couldn’t do it.

Or wouldn’t do it. Like spinning. They made me go to spin this morning. After a two week vacation to the South where I did nothing but eat biscuits and drink sweet tea.

spin butt

As one girl put it, “Your cha-cha is gonna hurt for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays!” She wasn’t lying. I was great for the first song…feeling confident…standing up…and that was it. For the next 25 minutes I did nothing but sit on my tail on that seat and pray to Spin Jesus that he’d take me quickly. I think I’ll go back on Friday.

Then they made me stay for Body Pump. And that’s all we’re gonna say about that.

So if you were expecting some sort of amazing change in my life, other than liking myself a whole lot more and being content with most things, there hasn’t been much. I’m no longer in a race to get skinny. Instead, I’m going to try the more laid back approach for a while- work out because I like it (and go to BP because Dawn likes it), eat as whole as possible because I’m a Ferrari, not a Pinto, and simplify life.

Bets are now open as to how long I’ll last.